Scuba Agencies Announce Mandatory Underwater Yoga Certification

Shutterstock.com/Evgeny Atamanenko
In a groundbreaking move, major scuba certification agencies worldwide announced today that starting immediately, all divers must complete a Mandatory Underwater Yoga (MUY) specialty certification to maintain their current diving credentials.
"We realized buoyancy control and air consumption weren't challenging enough," said spokesperson Finley Finnigan. "Now divers will need to perfect the Downward Dogfish, Floating Lotus and the Bubble Breather pose."
Courses will reportedly require divers to demonstrate underwater yoga skills such as maintaining inverted poses without losing regulators, gracefully transitioning from Warrior Fish to Seahorse Pose, and mastering synchronized breathing with marine life.
"The goal is to achieve total harmony underwater," Finnigan added. "We believe marine creatures appreciate a diver's balanced chakras."
Reaction among divers has been mixed. Australian diver Sheila Reef remarked, "Honestly, I've been accidentally doing underwater yoga for years, usually while trying to put on my fins in surge. It's about time we got certified for it."

Shutterstock.com/Tetsuo AradaReports from dive centers indicate an increased demand for underwater yoga mats, regulator-friendly meditation music playlists and waterproof incense sticks.
Meanwhile, veteran British diver Nigel McBubble voiced skepticism: "I've been diving for 30 years, and now I have to prove I can hold a Zen Squid pose to keep my advanced certification? It's a load of bubbles, mate."
Instructors globally have begun hurriedly adapting their courses. Reports from dive centers indicate an increased demand for underwater yoga mats, regulator-friendly meditation music playlists and waterproof incense sticks.
Divers who successfully complete the MUY specialty by midnight tonight will receive an exclusive "I Bent My Chakra at 100 Feet" sticker. Those who miss the deadline reportedly face remedial courses in underwater tai chi.
As divers worldwide scramble to master their underwater poses, certification agencies hinted at future specialties, including Underwater Origami and Scuba Ballet, set to launch precisely one year from today.
Editor’s Note: Happy April Fools'! There’s no mandatory yoga specialty, though it sometimes feels like you still have to do the poses.